AGDs

 

There's an interesting phenomenon I've noticed since arriving in New England and driving on the roads: the aggressively generous driver. or AGD  

Being from New Jersey where I first acquired my license and most recently living in Florida (both places where driving seems more like a contact sport), I expected to get more of the same: impatient, pushy, and erratic drivers.  The first time I took the car out by myself I was nervous.  I didn't know where I was going really, and the fact that my Florida plate was still emblazoned on the back -- I figured the other drivers would eat me for breakfast.  

But as I took my time, overly obeying the speed limits and carefully watching the road signs, I encountered the AGD.  I was waiting to make a left when the car that was approaching me slowed to a stop.  As I wondered what they were doing, I could see they were waving me on to take the left.  I was confused and hesitated.  Then the hand became a little more frantic, making sure I saw they were allowing me to go.

What the hell?  I thought as my instinct to move and get out of their way took over.  I stepped on the gas and with a grateful wave I made the turn, but I didn't understand.  I wasn't supposed to go, right?  It's called the "right of way" for a reason.  And that person was just going straight so they still had the right of way....I'm not saying I'm the best driver but I recall SOME of the basics from driving school.

I thought it was a fluke; just a nice citizen taking pity on the lost out-of-towner.

Until it happened again.  

This time it was a busy intersection right by the middle school when classes had just been let out and the roads were packed with buses and parents coming to get their kids.  I was waiting at the light to make my left, watching the huge trail of cars approaching me from the other side and not seeing a break in the line.  I sighed, assuming I'd be waiting forever for my turn when all of a sudden the car that was now leading the pack at the stoplight paused and began flashing their headlights.  It was just a gentle flash at first, but again, as I sat there confused, the lights began flashing again more rhythmically, like I was on a jetway getting the go-ahead to take-off.  I wanted to question it but they were saving me from waiting forever in the line, so I once again stepped on the gas and quickly rushed out of the way.

It began happening so frequently that I finally wanted to ask Joe about it.  

"Yeah!" he said enthusiastically.  "I've noticed that too!  What the hell -- I kept wondering if the driving rules were just different up here."  We both laughed and wrote it off as an unexpected perk of living up here, but I decided I wanted to try and reciprocate.  I kept looking for opportunities when I was driving to be a good citizen and let someone in who was trying to merge or hold up a line just so someone can go ahead of me.

It worked sometimes.  Like a visitor to a new country, I was often a little awkward when it came to picking up on the cues.  More than a few times I would slow down to let someone enter the road only to have them not understand what I was doing.  And then I, rather than just waiting patiently for them to go, would panic about holding up the traffic behind me and suddenly ease onto the gas again.  Unfortunately, that would be the exact time the other driver would finally start to move and we'd both end up stamping onto our breaks at the same time.  The next few painful seconds would feel like two strangers trying to talk on the phone only to end up talking over each other, each telling the other "oh sorry, you go ahead".

But when I finally got it right and found an opportunity and was able to execute it, it felt like I had earned a No-Longer-An-Outsider merit badge.  

Of course, it will take time for it to become second nature, as exemplified by another incident.

It was wintertime.  The night had fully descended, engulfing the roads in blackness, and I was anxious to get home.  I was driving down when I saw a car coming from a side road waiting to cross the street i was driving on.  Although I saw them sitting there, I wasn't even thinking of slowing down to let them cross my path.  It was dark, and the roads were virtually deserted.  Surely they'd just wait for me to pass.  

After all, I had the right of way.  Or so I thought...

All of a sudden, the car bolted out of its waiting position and darted in front of me.  I slammed on the breaks, bracing for the sound of metal on metal.  Fortunately, I imagined their car was much closer than they were to actually hitting my car.  The other car paused before rushing on its way, leaving me shaken but completely unharmed.

I learned a valuable lesson that night.  The drivers here will open a slot in traffic to allow you to pass.  They'll pause at a light to give you a chance to make your left.

But, like the infamous mafiosos that are said to inhabit this area, they WILL expect repayment for this driving kindness.  So stay alert, stay vigilant, and stay generous.